Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
