member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
