what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
