Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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