**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
