i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
