i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
