Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
