He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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