It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
