I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
