i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
