Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
