You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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