Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
