That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
