dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
