his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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