you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
