If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
