Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
