Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
