doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
