So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize