Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
