Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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