Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
