Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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