dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
