Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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