you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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