it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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