woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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