we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
