Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Everyone says I win the strip club
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
