Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
