i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
