On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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