No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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