Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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