you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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