Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
