please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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