All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
