You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
