I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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