dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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