walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
