need another drink. this is the easiest way
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
