Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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