So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
