that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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