and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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