i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
