Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize