i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
