I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
only you would photoshop your dick
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
