So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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