i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
