Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
