My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
