first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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