Moan for me like Helen Keller
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
