whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
