she was so not down for the gang bang
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
