You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
