toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
