Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dicks are not precious.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
