She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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