Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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