Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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