hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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