im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
