and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
