Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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