EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ladies don't puke and tell
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
