Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
