hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
