Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
