I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
