If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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