dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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