I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
only you would photoshop your dick
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
